Yes, I do keep changing the background! I liked the last one but it was a little hard to read. I'm also a little bit addicted to looking at the myriad of choices! So here's to having fun and a total lack of commitment to one style!

Getting ready

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday (which I forgot and had to reschedule for the second time grrrr.) and the baby is in position! We're ready to go, folks! Afterwards I tried layering about 6 pounds of spareribs on top of it to try and get things moving but it didn't really work.
D Day is January 10th and my doctor said that's probably when I'd go. It's a nice, chubby healthy baby and Ron and I have finally settled on a boy's name in case it's a boy.
We picked up a crib and changing table and moved it into Caleb's room and I put out a few little sleepers to get ready. I've had the urge to retile my bathroom counter and paint the living room. I was even looking at the caulking around my bathroom floor and thinking to myself, "You know, a toothbrush would get that REALLY clean."

The fat fashionista

So here are some belly pics. A friend and I created these maternity jeans and we are pitching the design to a major western retail line in hopes that they will buy our idea for the jeans plus some really cool top options that we came up with. We did a commercial and then took some still photos to send to them. All I can say is I am not America's Next Top Model!

When I got pregnant with Caleb all I could find for jeans were too short, too ugly, or too expensive! What's a cowgirl to do? Hopefully if this line sells, women out here will be able to get really great jeans easily. If it doesn't sell, at least my friends can beg borrow or steal the idea from me! I'm loving teh concho belt under the belly idea, but since the baby is coming really at any minute, I might hold off on getting one till after the weight comes off. The great thing about western style is that things take a really long time (if ever) to go out of style. There's just no rush to get the latest!

Thinking on OK

You know, we heard such great teaching while we were in Oklahoma. I was thinking today on the word "agape". My traditional understanding of the word is that it means unconditional love. I think this is true, what agape love the Father has for us! But with my issues, I could never really 'get it'. I was never able to show true agape love and I had a really hard time believing God felt that way about me. These are some awesome things that came out during the conference in regards to Agape:

Agape means: when God's love is brought to it's full end.

The church has been built on knowledge, not love. But knowledge puffs up, love(agape) builds up. 1 COR 8:1-3
The whole christian package is about the love of God, because God IS love. Gal 5:6 Faith works by agape. The only thing that counts is faith(doctrine) expressing itself through agape (love).

Luthor, who triggered the Great Roformation, espoused the following belief:
Sola Fides: Faith alone. We are saved not through good living or big tithing, but through faith alone in Christ.

But now we are joining to that:
Sola Agape: Love alone. We must have both. One focuses on knowledge, one on expression of God's TRUE nature of love. Knowledge cannot be perfected, agape can. We can grow in agape.

If recorded or quoted scripture could save the world, it would already have done so. Scripture must be incarnated.

If you lead with agape, doctrine will follow.

Isn't that good stuff? I am thinking on this and how it applies to ministry with people here in Meeteetse and in the church. Both Ron and I feel the drive to see the kingdom advanced through His power and our obediance and not just more programs run through the church with us trying to get enough people to make our efforts worth it. I am loving this whole idea of agape- of faith/belief/doctrine expressed through LOVE. Not leading with what's right and wrong, but leading with God is love, He loves you, and I am trying to love you like He does.

Agape in operation:
My desire is to do you good
THis desire comes, not from me, but from my Father
This desire is seeking an opportunity to be expressed.

Just some random.

Caleb has been doing some really cute imitation things. This particular morning he was having coffee and reading time with Dad.

We also had our tree delivered by the FFA. They picked a pretty nice one! I was

so anxious to get things decorated that I decorated it that night while Caleb was asleep and then we videoed his reaction. Although what we mostly captured on video was Tilly's caterwauling in the background. Caleb loves to plug in the tree first thing in the morning.

Seeing the sights in Oklahoma

I blog way more when I don't have to upload pictures.

So this morning we had our second "Moms Together" meeting and it was great! Myself and three other girlfriends formed a team to minister to the women in our community. Basically, I felt that the women who live in Meeteetse are so isolated. Even though it is such a small town, a lot of us are in these tracks of life that don't ever cross. I wanted to make a way for women to get to know one another, form friendships, create a 'net' of relationships that in the end create a really strong community.
I desire to see relationships that were broken to be restored, and walls that have been built between women and families for the last hundred years be slowly broken down. I also want to give women a chance to feel the Lord, to get to know Him before they face some of the issues of 'religion'. I love the church, and am pouring out my life to see her grow and be strengthened, but I am not blind to the fact she has issues and does a lot of hurting to people who are already hurting.
Ron was all for starting MOPS in Meeteetse, but when I saw the format and outlines I was TOTALLY overwhelmed. I told him I could never do that and that it is way to organised for me. I like simple. I like flexible. I like not having to do all the work!
We mentioned it to a friend here in Meeteetse and she told us about a program they did in her church back home called Moms Together. When we talked more about it I got so excited- it was perfect for us! So she and I recruited two other friends and we started planning. So far we have had two meetings and they have been awesome. I love this thing and love that it is growing!

Update on Ron

So, due to Amanda's comment, I wanted to update you guys on Ron- He did in fact break his arm while in Oklahoma. Yeah, I know. I feel the same way.
I had gone home early one night with Caleb to our host home and Ron caught a ride with some wonderful new friends we had made. While they were coming home they swerved to miss a deer. They ended up hitting the deer and the airbags came out and hit Ron directly in the wrist/forearm. (they were the side impact airbags and he was holding onto the handle above his door at the time)
They took him to the hospital (thankfully noone else was injured) and did some x-rays. The docter told him that it just looked like it had irritated an old injury and to just wear a brace. Only a bullrider would have broken his wrist and not known about it! Later on they said to come back in because they thought he might have actually broken his wrist in another place.
This was all while we were getting ready to go home, so we just left with the idea of getting it checked out in Powell when we got back.
Powell's verdict- yep, a fracture in his wrist. Basically it will just take time and rest to heal. Can't do much with it, but overall, should heal fine.

The whole two weeks in OK were so awesome! SO much good teaching and meeting new and old friends that even a broken arm can't diminish what a great time we had.

Wow, didn't see that coming!

OK, OK, Ok, did NOT think my last post would create such a firestorm!!! Yes, I did want to give my mom a mild heart attack that we would laugh about later, but did not think I would recieve the deluge of calls, e-mails, prayer vigils etc.

I will say this: it's nice to know so many people care about me!

So here's the real new addition. Her name is Tilly:

The picture isn't a great one- it's hard to get a good shot of a small black blur of motion. Any hints, JoanE? She's a sweet one, and the amount of champions in her lineage is staggering. We are living with a little blue blood! However, she is behaving like any puppy- lots of chewing and quiet pooping in dark corners and sleeping. Hopefully she will turn out to be a stellar girlfriend for Tack with lots of healthy babies. That's all in the future for now- she doesn't know her fate is to be a commercial baby machine.

OK, not really. She'll have a litter a year, or every other year. And considering that her gestation period is only like 3 months, that's not bad.

Speaking of gestating, yes I still am. 8 months and counting. I have reached the point of no return- I want this baby OUT! I am tired of the whole thing. I realise things only get more complicated once the baby is on this side of the abdomen, but I just don't care. I'm tired of the fatness, the fatness, the fatness. Did I say the fatness?

Gotta run (Ha Ha just kidding) Gotta waddle slowly and breathe heavily.

Later gaters

We've got a girl!!!!!!!!

We recieved a lovely little girl today at 12:00 in the afternoon.
She's fairly small at about 4 lbs and 10 in long, but mama and baby are doing well.
Pictures to follow ! ! !

October skies are cloudy..

The snow is mostly melted now, but not on the mountains. It got me in a Christmassy mood, and now I have to switch back to pumpkins and turkeys!

Where have I been?

HOnestly, I don't really know. I really tried to get a cute video of Caleb posted and when I couldn't get the thing loaded, I lost the motivation.
Then both our computers crashed.

So here's an update in a sort of stream of conscienceness format:

In the past few weeks my stomach has popped out like a turkey timer. I have to wear all my ugly, too short maternity pants. Actually, the pants themselves aren't ugly at all, it's the bottom of the pants lightly brushing the tops of my shoes that is ugly.

Got the ultrasound of new baby. When I saw "it" on the screen I thought it might be a boy, but then I had a really intense dream last night where I gave birth to a little girl. The ultrasounds now a days are incredible!!!!! And since I got one so late in the game, "it" really looked like the chubby cuteness one associates with a baby. Rather than what looks like a grainy shot of a potato.

Put an ad of my 4 year old mare on the website : ranchworldads.com. If you are at work and therefore have free time to check it out, look under "horses for sale" and then under "08 Doc O Lena, Doc Quixote bred" I think Tack is in one of the shots and my shadow is in another.

I have been cooking lunch for Western Frontiers a couple of times a week and have really enjoyed it- I hate cooking at home, but there's something about having a huge industrial kitchen and a clean up crew that makes cooking fantastic! I cook for about 20 people. Bringing back some memories....

Caleb has absolutely earned his name of "tornado boy." He likes making international calls on the phone, puzzles, and looking at books. This apart from the usual eating dog food and playing with dirt.

The church is going well, we got a few new families so I am hitting the sunday school trail again. Celebrate Recovery tugs along and is really good for our community. We are starting some leadership training for all the leaders in the surrounding areas since almost everyone who is leading CR has no training. It feels like we are all banding together to pioneer this thing in our basin and that is a really fun feeling.

Been doing some sewing- very cute Christmas presents, if I do say so myself. Sewing is something that has taken me 15 years to get to the point of enjoyment, but I really like it now. It helps to have a slightly perfectionist personality, which I don't at all, but have slowly been cultivating in my life to my own benefit.

Life looks pretty good from here. I worked out of my last post a while ago, so I haven't been depressed the last two months like my blog made it seem!

I think I am going to post this without even spellchecking!

Living from teh edge,
Faith

Child Labor Law- if it's a child, it should labor

He'll qualify for minimum wage pretty soon and finally start pulling his weight around here.

Healing word

Coming off of a week of fantastic family time, it feels like I hit low gear coming home. Things have been so difficult since coming back to this place I still think I love.

Pastoring is such a different life than that of missionary. There are different irritations, different dry spots, different perseverences. Lately it feels like we have dropped a plow into the desert and are trying so hard to get the field growing. Our muscles strain, our feet dig in but we are still cultivating a place that resists growth. Nothing comes easily. The rocks seem unending and I am getting tired of keeping the plow straight.

Today I was having a time of worship and the Lord brought this song to me:

I lift my hands in sweet surrender

Your holy presence covers me

Yours is the voice, there is no other

You speak the word that sets me free

Healing word, You speak the healing word

The healing word sets me free

Healing word, you speak the healing word

The healing word I receive

Because Mom said so.......

Well, after the post about the horses, Mom wrote in commenting on the lameness of the girls' names. It's true, they are pretty lame and it took me months to name them!!!!
Months!
I royally suck at picking out names, as evidenced by my track record:
rabbit- Johnny Boy this one still makes me laugh
rabbit- Jessie actually, not too bad.
cat- Lurch what?
gold fish- Fishey awesome. Truly plumbing the depths of creativity on that one.
dog- Barnabey now that was perfect, but named by Mom, so it doesn't count
dog- Tack this is a terrible name, but after calling it Puppy for 3 months, I had to draw the line.

So in the light of my miserable naming attempts, I'm calling out for help:


Name my horses. If you come up with one I like better than sister or kitty, it will go on the papers. It's up to you faithful readers. Bring on the names.

The 28 year old dream:

For a girl who grew up on Trixie Beldon, National Velvet, Black Beauty, The Black Stallion etc. etc, it seemed just cruel that I never had a horse. No matter that we lived in a city, I was an irresponsible dreamer capable of killing of many a fish through lack of feeding, and none of my family really even liked animals, it was still just cruel!

Then I worked in a breeding stable. I was close.

Then I moved to Wyoming, where people stuff horses into their yards no matter HOW urban they lived. I was very very close.

Then I married the cowboy and came to the horrifying realisation that he DIDN'T WANT A HORSE!!!

How could that be? Was he not the real deal? Did he not spend hours apon hours in the saddle as a cowboy???

Therein lay the problem. The cowboy has this mentality: horses are for getting a job done. Not for fun. They are too expensive and problematic to be considered a hobby.

I was crushed. What could I do?? There was no way I could justify having a horse since there was no kind of work I could do with one. (Read the post where I "sort cattle")

I was bereft. I was hopeless.

I forgot that the Cowboy really does love me.

Imagine my surprise when I asked him to go to a sale in Worland with me and he said there was no way he was going to let me but a horse without him.

Did you catch that? "BUY A HORSE" Yessssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, we went to the sale and we came home with not one, but TWO horses, Sister and Kitty.

this is Kitty:

she is Ron's horsethis is Sister:

she is my horse

Because of the major slump in the horse market due to the closing of all slaughter plants in the US, these horses came extremely cheap. They have excellent bloodlines that show up in their awesome conformation. Let me explain:

In this picture Sister is standing a little funny because she is almost on top of that waterer, but we can still critique.

She has a nice big hip (butt) which is a horses' engine. Good.

She has a deep girth (ribs) meaning she's got a lot of space to breathe. Good for a barrel horse moving at top speeds.

Her neck ties in nicely to her shoulder and her shoulder is big and slanted. This means she will have a smooth way of moving. She's got a very pretty head and nice expression.

She has a short back and nice withers, which all is good for an athletic horse.

Overall, both Sister and Kitty were absolute bargains. The Lord was looking out for me when we went to this sale. Sister was barely green broke, so I have been working with her, getting her ready to ride. It's a slow but enjoyable process. Unfortunatly I will have to stop pretty soon because of the baby.

Kitty is halter broke and that's about it. I would like to sell her but the cowboy wants to hang on to her.

Did anyone else notice that THE COWBOY bought a horse? What can I say- auctions are exciting places!

So that's the dream come true!

The boy, uncut and unrated

So this is what Caleb has been excited about lately. He will feed Tack one kibble of dog food at a time. Although it's more like: 3 kibbles for Tack, one for Caleb, 3 kibbles for Tack, one for Caleb. Did you see him lick the delicious dog food off of his fingers at the end of the video? Nice.

And in case some of you are wondering about his nutrition levels, I do feed him normal food too, as evidenced by the spaghetti face: (and highchair and wall and floor)

I've heard from certain family members who read this blog and DO NOT COMMENT (leading me to believe I only had two family members that ever read this therefore I could post pretty much anything I wanted no matter how boring (i.e. the birthday video)) that I need to put up more pics of Caleb and some walking video- so stay tuned. Coming up soon.

Who am I kidding? it will probably be next moonth. But it will be good.

Now I understand the half a bag of Doritos.......

Well folks, we have a winner! The winner of our puke til you drop, can't look at scrambled eggs, who in the house took their shoes off in the last three days contest is:
ME!!!!!!!!!
We now have a number two incubating. Sometime in December or January it will make it's appearance in a remarkable pain free, joy and light infused 5 minute delivery.
I'm sure my two faithful blog readers are so excited right now. I love you too, Mom and Matthew. You are really what this blog is all about.

At some point in the next nine months I will gather enough energy to write about a 28 year old dream come true, but right now I need to go lay down and eat another half bag of Doritos, the great puke inhibitor.

Toys: Ugh, Gack....

Why do we do it? I've always despised the overflowing toy central in most toddler-owned houses. Maybe all teh toys start out organised neatlyl into baskets, but two seconds later, every single one is strewn on the fl0or and the toddler is in the kiychen playing the ultimate toy: the dog.
If the mom is anything like me, the sight of her once clean living room will send her into overwhelmed, exhausted mode, which can only be cured with half a bag of Doritos and a nap on the couch. Or perhaps mom won't even notice anymore and your entire visit is dodging a broken ankle laying on the floor in the guise of a Winnie the Pooh talking cell phone. I hate toys. And I already have a laundry basket full in the living room. Blast!
I think the toys are mostly for the parents who are desperatly hoping they will A.) teach their kid something educational and B.) keep their kid quiet for 15 minutes. Heck, we'd even take 10 minutes! But they never do. The talking toys never teach your kid to talk, the light up toys never teach your kid thier colors, and even more heinously, the musical toys never teach your kid an appreciation for music, or at least the kind of music you want to listen to on a long car ride.
Caleb, despite the overflowing bounty of colors, shapes and music available in the living room played with an empty Doritos bag and dog food all morning.
I hate toys

All kinds of fambly....

What a wild and fun time we had with sis, Bro-inlaw, Bro-in law's bro and their childrens. We jammed a lot of activities into a week- whew!

HOrseback riding was lots of fun. I was amazed at the natural ease of riding displayed by all!

We ran around in big pickups looking for elk, which we didn't find, and buffalo, which we did. I think everyone, including Ron and I , enjoyed some time in warm sunshine and cool mountain air. I forget how quiet it is here, and how restful that is to me.

What cuties I have for neices and nephews!

They were fearless- ready to do anything as long as they didn't get too dirty. My neice held up a boot to me and said "Look! Mud! I have mud on my boots!"

They laughed at all the poop so readily available everywhere they looked.

They also loved Tack, who loved them right back. He's never been so popular! And hugged!

What an awesome visit! We loved connecting and spending time wth our fam. They are truly amazing.

The Vault

The eyes: not mine

The nose: not mine

The hands: not mine

The smile: not mine

The ears: not mine

He is basically a daddy clone. Kingston to the hilt. Yes, a big head, but not of Balon roundness.

except....

except....

except for this:

this is all Balon.

Sorry guys, that there hasn't been much action going on here, I can't get my photos to uplaod on blogger- gnashing of teeth!!!!!! I might have to try a different blog hosting if this doesn't change!

Caleb's 1st BD

Very Long and slightly inane, but that's what family is for, right???

Just six more days folks........

A day in the life...

Every single solitary day is started with this. The life blood. I started out drinking my coffee in a big sozy mug, but I only ever drank half. The Cowboy protested, seeing as HE could have drank my wasted half. So I slimlined down to this- the only teacup I have. Even then I sometimes don't finish it. But that's between you and me.

Usually Little Buckaroo is already up and into trouble, but I'll put this in for effect: Wake my slumbering prince.

Feed him the breakfast of champions, usually cold, from the can. Which he likes better, go figure.

Yesterday I finished my spur straps, tried them on, and realised they are too small. At least they're pretty!

Then off for a day of grooming. Dogs, not myself, although the way my hair is going, I might have to put myself on the table. This is Sammi the ragamuffin.

And this is Sammi the Westie. I like a nice shaved back myself, but the owners like her a little shaggy. And she does have ears, she was just terrified of the camera.

After Sammi I had a horse of a german shepherd to shave. I dragged myself home, exhausted and made myself a sandwich. I copped out on dinner with a frozen pizza, and watched Finding Neverland to end the evening.

2 heaping helpings of cuteness

Caleb will be One year old this month!! February 12th! Of course I will be 28 this month, which is MUCH more exciting. My birthday is on the 9th, and I accept all packages sent to me. Especially ones with a Kitchen aid mixer inside.

This is why everyone should have a Schnauzer

Bringing in the herd, even with my help.

I spent most of today groaning on my couch and covering myself in a mountain of snotty tissues. While I was lying there whimpering, this memory came to mind and I share it to get the snotty tissue picture out of your mind:

HOW TO BEHAVE AT A CATTLE BRANDING WHEN YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON:

You may never need this information, but I did. Desperately.

In October, a friend of ours (5th generation rancher-which means something in WYO) invited The Cowboy to help him with some calves he needed to brand. I obnoxiously invited myself along because I can't help exposing my general ignorance whenever I can. He said kindly I could come along as long The Cowboy came too.

THINGS NOT TO BRING TO A BRANDING:
1. Your dog. Everyone else will, but you don't if you want to be invited again.
2. Manicured nails. 'Nough said.
3. Arabian stallion. I did not intentionally bring one, but the horse I rode had illusions of grandeur.
4. The idea that you have an idea of what to do. Unfortunatly I brought this one along too, until The Cowboy squared me away.

WHAT TO BRING TO A BRANDING:
1. The Cowboy. I scored on this one.

So we started off at Western Frontiers. I grabbed my trusty Arabian stallion wanna-be and saddled up. Since we had WAY too many riders for a short drive with few cattle, The Cowboy stayed in the truck. I was sure they needed my expert horse handling help.
We get to the ranch (next door) and the rancher politely says good morning. He mentions casually that everything he had that morning bucked and that's why he had his little girl along. I'm sure that would make sense to another 5th generation rancher but I was lost to it's meaning. However I DID touch spur to my wanna-be to take him down a notch. He didn't even crow hop when I saddled up. Poser.

We move the cows along nice and slow. Its a mixed herd of cows, heifers, bulls and calves. The season is October and the calves(about 100 of them) have'nt been branded yet. this means:

A. they are big! If we were doing it old fashioned, the calf wrestlers never have shown up and quickly have turned around to go home again, but Jimmy has a chute that we will run them through.
B. If this was the 1800's, they all would have been stolen and branded with other brands because they can live on grass alone and they aren't branded yet.

We get all the cows into a large square pen. I have embarrased myself once already, in standing in the wrong spot and causing extra work for Jimmy. However only once is really good, considering my track record.

So, the pen is about 20' by 20'. Understand, I might be wrong about the dimensions, but I'm probably only 10 or 50 feet off the mark. If you imagine that you are a fat little cherub and are looking down on the pen, then the gate in and out of the pen is on the southeast side of the square. The cows and calves and heifers (we weeded out the bulls along the way) are squishing themselves on the north and west sides of the pen and we are bunched by the gate. Now, this is a bit tricky of a procedure so the inexperienced are told to tie up thier horses. The Cowboy tells me to stay mounted for his entertainment and Jimmy doesn't know any better so I am a member of the three part cutting process.

The GOAL: Have only calves left in the pen

The MEANS: cut the mama cows out by subtle pressure and force them through the gate with out their babies.

The PROCEDURE: I have no idea at this point

We start. This isn't the older cows' first square dance so they head out the gate practically by themselves, without a backwards glance for their babies. The heifers (teenage girls of the group) act typically their age by bunching up and acting cool in the corner. They kick out the little ones and talk about lipgloss amongst themselves until we go after them. Then they head towards the gate in a tight bunch like a bathroom trip at the rollerskate rink.

Now, Sounds easy right? You would be wrong, as I was. Some of the cows didn't want to go and those heifers CERTAINLY didn't want to go. And this is where I embarass myself for the second time.

Things go smoothly when the cutters work in a group, squeezing the cows out of the group like rolling up the toothpaste tube from the bottom. I am a middle of the tube type squeezer so that cows squish out the top and bottom. Jimmy, the 5th generation rancher, like all cowboys, politely mentions some obscure story about his father in the river that I don't understand until I wake up in the middle of the night with a big "OH!"
If I wasn't such a city girl I would have gotten the ghist: Work WITH the flow, not against it. But I don't get it and he doesn't mention it again.

** Cowboy culture hint: Cowboys are unfailingly polite. They will let you make a complete ass of yourself without telling you what to do, believing that if you give a person a chance they will figure something out on their own. Which is usually true. But you have to get through the complete ass part first. At least I do every single time. And if they like you, generally they will make you look like a bigger ass than you normally would. I am very well liked.

So, apart from my "help" they get the cows sorted and start the branding process. I am given the official job of calf counter, which tells you how highly they value my imput. But it's nice in the truck bed. The sun warms up the weather to a balmy 40 degrees and I like counting calves. They feed us and send us home. I know they are sorry to see me and my arabian stallion wanna-be go. At least The Cowboy likes watching my backside.

Naticus

My brother wrote this on his myspace:

"I used to think some of these typical MAN things were true. What do you think? I've had this stuff and it seemed to have no connection with my character. Isn't manhood really about character? Love, loyalty, honor, generosity, strength, compassion, servanthood, selflessness, A willingness to put another before yourself. Isn't that what make a good husband, father and friend?

I never had much as a kid because my parents chose a lifestyle of love versus stuff. My dad sacrificed his comforts for my family so that we would be close and connected. He drove a black and pink pinstriped Chevette to work for crying out loud. (google Chevette and hilarity will insue) That is being a man to me, choosing love first no matter the cost, even if it's your pride. Being willing to lay down your life for others. I want to be that kind of man. I want to live my life with truth in my words and love in my heart. "

Wham. Just sum up the gospel in two paragraphs. This right now is a struggle for me- pride in my service. It's hard to pastor a church of 30 people and not feel like that defines me. No, I'm not the pastor, but I am married to the pastor and we share in the burdens of leadership. I was thinking today- Man, if I could just let go, set down the yoke I carved for myself and simply love the 30 people He's given us, Be faithful in my small things and love my Lord. Not even care about what it looks like, how it's growing, if people leave or don't serve. How freeing would that be!

Love is such a difficult concept. I mean true love. Jesus kind of love. It works like a grator to my flesh. Nothing takes it out of me more than loving people I don't want to love.

'Lead me down into the pain.
I'm willing to go if this is your way-
You didn't say I'd make it through,
You said "Peace, child, I'll walk with you." '

February, sweet February!

Well. Christmas is past and the New Year has begun. I won't bore you with details of my trip home (although it was awesome) and will merely join with you as we look ahead to what we have been waiting for all year: Valentine's Day.
Now I know that in most of your marraiges, you have Valentine's Day every day, but alas, mine is a touch different. Clean out frozen sewer pipes he can. Scrape off my windshield and warm up my car in the bitterest of winter weather, he does. In fact he even indulges my creative zeal with sewing machines and scrapbook store visits. But good old hearts and flowers, not so much.
I know, I know, with a man like that, why don't I view my life as one long string of loving effort on his part? I do! It's just that a girl gets a hankering for some roses, some chocolate, some sweet nothings whispered in the ear. And I have been waiting all year for Valentines Day- a day when I am assured of some of the softer means of showing affection.

And! Not only is the month for lovers, it's also mine and Caleb's birthdays! So, taking all that in, February, the month of ice and nasty weather, is quickly becoming my favorite month. Forget your golden Augusts! Forget your mild Mays! February is the month to remember!