Guilt, a heavy load

Where does it come from and why do I succumb to it all the time? I'm sure society would like to lay it all at my parents feet but I just don't accept that. Mom, did you guys motivate through guilt? Because it seems like I feel so guilty for EVERYTHING these days. Why I'm not a better wife, friend, communicator, planner, etc. It's such a mental battle all the time. I feel like I use so much energy fighting off this feeling of failure that were I to finally throw it off and believe that I am truly doing things well, I would float away on a cloud!
Why do I set such a high standard, and then feel lousy when I never meet it? I am trying to hear the Lord clearly on my life but it feels so foggy and distorted.
I'm tired of this crap.

Summertime

It felt like we were living in a movie portraying small town life:Saturday night and the whole town was gathered under the cottonwoods by the river. A huge red and white tent had tables set up underneath it and a long line had formed by the food. Everyone had brought desserts, children, even a few dogs. Dusk fell and someone got up to recite cowboy poetry on a makeshift dance floor. Corky and the Crowd thinners tuned up and the dancing began. The seniors gathered around the bonfire, young bucks threaded through the crowd looking for dancing partners and mothers started rocking their babies. Some good natured elbowing was going on as people got their last bids in on the silent auction.
A summernight in Meeteetse.

The Cowboy and Little Buckaroo. What could be sweeter?

Why Why Why?

So I was flooded with the incredible motivaiton to purge our crap currently being stored in a shed in the back yard. The shed is supposed to be Ron's office but because of the sheer amount of garbage we haven't made it past the few feet swept clear by the door.
Garbage bag in hand, I sorted, I threw away, I uncovered a bookshelf with a lot of books I would like to read.
Seriously proud of myself, I was backing out of the door so I could get a better look at the serenity within when I heard a voice behind me:
"What are you doing?"
My heart sank. It was the Cowboy.
"Hey, what are you throwing away???"
It was then that I knew I was in trouble.
Snatching the garbage bag from my hand, the following was heard:
"This is a perfectly good pen! I can get the ink to flow again."
"You would NEVER see THIS being thrown away in Africa."
"We can use this paper! it only has a few marks on it!"


See title.

I'm so proud of my garden! Last year the tomatoes took over and the zuchini crossbred with some strange vine. THIS year the lettuce is in nice fluffy rows, the peppers are hopeful and the tomatoes are staying in their cages. I can't wait for tomato and mozzarella salad with fresh basil.
Vegetables in Wyoming are only eatable when they are grown in the back yard, so our diets aren't varied, but they are organic by necessity!

I was really undecided about this blog. I love blogging with the fam, but I didn't know if I wanted to commit to my own blog. However, considering I would like a future in children's books, both writing and illustrating, this will be a good daily writing exercise. I don't think this will have too much of a theme, just dailys from the west. The Cowboy already thinks I spend too much time blogging, but every girl needs a few obsessions, right?